Dear

  I study family studies (couple relationship & marriage).  I am very passionate on this topic and would like to share with you my finding.

  A divorce culture (our culture) is sweeping all over the world.  It's obvious.  The importance of marriage, the commitment of marriage, and the bond of marriage are declining.  People lose hopes in a "forever" marriage.  Deal to this fear or insecurity, increasing number of people are cohabiting, or living together, considering themselves "husband and wife" without actually getting married.

  Here comes the question: Why is contemporary marriage (it's true for dating too) that weak?

*Answering this question, I will use an "ideology" (first cause) approach.  For example, many sociologists focus on economical reasons, personal fulfilment reasons, happiness reasons, etc  They just do not work!  We have to get to the root of the issue to find a solution!

  Marriage is a process of "2 become 1".  Analogy: 2 people are constructing a building together- one on the left hand side and the other on the right.   If they have different plans in mind and then they start to build.  What happens?  The building falls!  Exactly the same works in marriage.  In making a perfectly strong, harmonious "2 become 1" marraige, the 2 persons need a same plan! (e.g. same orientation in life, same meaning of life...)

*Watch out: don't mix up the "meaning" of life with the "expression of meaning" of life.  The same meaning can have millions of expressions!

  Wait...  before making sure that 2 of us have the same compatible plan, each of us need to first make sure "what's my own plan?"  This question reflects why contemporary marriage is so weak.  Go ask someone, "what's your definition or goal of marriage".  They will probably answer, "um...  I don't really know...  be happy?  lots of sex?  allow me to cheat on them?  have fun all the time?..."  Most of them can't give an exact "solid" answer!  

  What does that mean?  It means he/she has a "shaky", "always changing" plan!  Therefore, even if the husband and wife has the "seemingly" same plan when married, they would easily change their plans during their marriage.  So... the building falls again.  Marriage breaks up.

  Luckily, making a strong, secure marriage is actually not that hard and doomed to fail as portrayed in the divorce culture (our culture).  The prospect of marriage depends on " how clear each partner understands his/her own plan" (their individual purpose of life and marriage).  All we need is to meditate on the question- "what's my plan?"  (purpose of marriage)  Once we figure it out, we can know what type of people is a good match!

  So, where can you find the purpose or definition of marriage which is "solid" and "un-changing"?  You won't find it by imagination, philosophy, "self-help" books, magazines, university study, even family studies...  no no no...  "You do not create yourself, so in no way can you know why you are created" (book: purpose-driven life)  We ourselves do not create marriage.  We need to ask the one who creates us, the same one who creates both wonderful male and female and the same one who creates marriage.  You need to ask the creator!  Analogy: when you buy a digi camera, you will read the "owner's manual" to make sure you run it in its "intended" best way, e.g. how to recharge the battery to make it long-life  Exactly the same works with marriage!  If you read the "official marriage manual", you can have confidence that your marriage will run perfectly in its best way!

  This is why the topic of understanding God (your creator) is indispensable to all mankind.  We need it to survive well!  Nowadays, we get so busy and distracted from the most essential thing in our life- reading the official manual.  Some might say, "ok, wait til I get a good job"  But, how do you know what means a good job without first reading the manual?  Let's start researching on this "creator's manual" together and plan for a perfect marriage! 

  Love is just amazing.  If you want to further talk about it, post here or e-mail me joewtc@hotmail.com.  Share the love~

We do care!

Joseph

P.S. some "official" instructions in the Bible:

• 1 Corithians 13:4-8


• 4Love is patient,


• love is kind.


• It does not envy,


• it does not boast,


• it is not proud.


• 5It is not rude,


• it is not self-seeking,


•  it is not easily angered,


•  it keeps no record of wrongs.


• 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.


•  7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


• 8Love never fails


• 1 John 3:16


• This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers